Is it truly Festivus season once again? It certainly doesn’t feel like it. The Methow Valley had a lazy summer, followed by an eye-popping vibrant fall, and then recently eased into falling snowflakes. I suppose anyone who has been to the Holiday Markets can confirm it is indeed Krampusnacht-St. Nicholas-Bodhi-Lussinatta-Las Posadas-Hanukkah-Winter Solstice-Yule-Christmas-Boxing-Festivus season. We might as well dust off the Festivus pole and commence the annual airing of grievances.
To celebrate Festivus, simply grab a pole and start airing a grievance. The grievance pump should be well primed if recently used to express gratitude. Aim for healthy balances in all areas of life.
This year I am using a bright orange snowplow marker pole. Someone said we probably will not need snowplow marker poles this year: all indications indicate an El Nino winter. However, weather systems and mountain passes do not read the weather blogs. Travelers best be prepared for anything.
Let us start off the annual Festivus Grievance with something we can all agree on: global warming and unstable weather patterns. Some politicians don’t “believe” global warming is happening. Talk about unstable… are they not aware of the driving factor of an El Nino atmospheric phenomenon? Did they not see all the videos of the flooding in recent weeks?
Company surveys do not warm the cockles of my holiday heart. I just spent several months researching which product to buy, shelled out hard earned cash, and now am asked to spend my personal time filling out a company/employee/product performance review. The ones that really irk me are company surveys after spending an hour on the phone on hold for a resolution that took less than 30 seconds. That is one entire hour of my life I will never get back. That company can take a long walk off a short pier.
Or is it a short walk off a long pier? Another serious grievance: unclear directions. If the walk is from point A to point B, and the length of the pier is equal to C, and if <-> AB is greater than C, and a person named D walked from A to B on Pier C, wouldn’t the walk then be equal in length to the pier and not the entire line from A to B? I get the sense that the length of the pier doesn’t really matter, given the length of the walk. It is either a short walk or a long walk, ending with a watery dunk either way. A clear direction would be to ditch the pier and simply say, “Get lost.”
My final Festivus grievance is canned cranberry sauce. I do not understand the appeal of shelf stable congealed war rations. It jiggles, it wobbles, it slides off a spoon and still shows the ridges of the can. A 12-ounce bag of frozen cranberries is $1.50. A 14-ounce can of cranberry sauce is $2.50. For the love of all that is holiday-ish, make the cranberry sauce from fresh cranberries. Be sure to use a recipe written with clear directions.