During the recent heat wave, another Methow-ism was discovered by yours truly. Along with the Subarus, the Cattle Dog/Australian Shepherd/Border Collie, and three varieties of kale salad at any potluck, we now can add to that (drumroll, please) the household door guard.
Every home has one. The household door guard is most active in the summer, but also has a busy season in the coldest of winter months too. By now, you may be nodding your heads in recognition. In fact, you may very well be the door guard of your home.
The household door guard is the person that freaks out when the door is opened longer than one second during any time that extreme temps are experienced. In the summer, this person will be rabidly monitoring the difference between indoor and outdoor temps so that at the very second the outside is cooler than the inside — BOOM! He or she springs into action, opening all windows and doors. Then in the morning, the opposite occurs, with the door guard shutting down all windows and doors once the outside temps have risen higher than the inside.
The winter months are not nearly as hectic for the door guard, being that the windows never need to be opened. Instead, the door guard may fill his or her spare time searching for drafts and solving them with a variety of materials
It has been my personal experience that the household door guard does their job with a fair amount of vigor and fanatacism. Pretty soon, now that this has all come to light, you may overhear your friends and neighbors making comments to or about their household door guard. Perhaps something such as, “Daaad, I only had the door open for one minute while I ran out to the car. Chill out!” To which the dad would make a dad joke involving chilling out and that is all he is trying to do by keeping the door shut.
Also overheard in Mazama this past week:
“Tourists ask me about Bigfoot all the time.” This from a Mazama Store employee.
“Did you see that kid cram his pockets full of all the sugar packets?” Again, from a Mazama Store employee.
“I just watched a super loud, hot pink drunk squad float down the river.” One tourist to another.
“It is so hot, my eyebrow melted off!” A 20-something woman to her friend.
“Where is there a Walgreens?” A tourist to a Mazama resident.
“Mom, what does a bee do when it is hot? He takes off his yellow jacket!” A 7-year-old at the river.
“I heard that the Mazama column writer, what’s her name, is moving to Mexico for a year.” This from an Edelweiss resident to an upper Lost River resident. The upper Lost River resident, being me, replied that it is true. One more episode through my wonky lens and then you’ll get yourselves some different perspectives, hopefully with better pictures.