By Ashley Lodato

I have unearthed my first not-so-skeletal skeleton in someone else’s closet. As you may recall, I am interested in sharing others’ stories of past honors and titles, especially the obscure ones. In light of that, I present you with this — Hana Baker and Tyler Slostad’s 2003 first place award for Denver’s Best Halloween Costume Contest. They were dressed as Thing One and Thing Two, a choice they may live to regret once their kids enter their snarky phase. I hope that this brief nod to their costume contest crushing abilities will allow Hana and Tyler to relive their former glory.

I do love a good country-bumpkin-in-the-big-city story, so here’s a fun recent one from Carolyn Sullivan. Carolyn and her three brothers — Pinky, Denis and Jim — were in San Francisco over the weekend. After a visit to the Disney Museum (which Carolyn highly recommends, by the way), Pinky takes the car and leaves, but the other three want to stay out on the town a bit longer. When they are ready to depart, one of them summons an Uber and they go out to the street to wait for it, having been instructed to look for a blue Chevy Trax driven by Kurt. Pretty soon a blue Chevy comes along, so Carolyn waves it down and hops in it, along with Denis and Jim.

After a while, Jim says “This doesn’t really look like a Trax.” No, the driver confirms, this is a Malibu. “And is your name Kurt?” Jim asks. No, the driver’s name is Kim. Furthermore, the company he’s driving for is Lyft, not Uber. Wrong car, wrong driver, wrong ridesharing enterprise. When rural folk get confused by urban services, at least they’re wrong with excellent consistency.

Well, folks, this is the moment I have been waiting for. I’ve been writing the weekly Winthrop gossip column for nearly 10 years, which translates into approximately 500 columns. And although I have occasionally been the purveyor of speculation and innuendo (all well-intentioned, I assure you!), not once in all those weeks have I had the opportunity to dispel a rumor. But I’m going to now, because I am nothing if not fully committed to a true and honest press.

Here goes: Cascades Outdoor Store is not for sale. You may be one of the many people who saw the classified ad in the newspaper recently and thought that the store was for sale, but no, neither the business nor the building is on the market. It’s the stuff in the store that’s available for purchase—because that’s how retail works.

PREVIOUSLY, IN WINTHROP

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