It turns out I am not so good at ping pong, but the real concern in Carlton these days is what if a meteor falls on us? The ongoing debate is whether it’s better to have a meteor fall on you, or simply near you.

There are distinct disadvantages to either one, but if you’re lucky you could get rich selling pieces of one that falls near you. I mean, who owns a meteor? If it’s on your property, you do.

I don’t have a meteor yet but I do have some plain rocks and a dead olive tree for sale. Also, on occasion I own a random bobcat which you can have for a great price if your timing is right. So cute. I also have several spiders for sale, and some pieces of dirt. Also, the spiders are dead.

In other Carlton news, someone from Twisp seems to have sent me a letter, or an envelope at least, which was empty. So I just want to say if you recently sent me an envelope and you meant for something to be inside it, you failed. I tried to convince the post office lady that there was probably some large denomination paper money that fell out but she said since the envelope wasn’t sealed there was nothing she could do. So, whoever you are, please resend the cash, thank you. I won’t publish your P.O. Box number here and I’m too lazy to write you back, which was the other suggestion I got at the post office.

In even more other Carlton news, Presidents Day was celebrated not at all I think, although I could be wrong. We also missed Mardi Gras and for Lent we just gave up Lent.